Eastcoastamite is a rare, radioactive mineral first described by Lord McKinley Morganfield in 1832. It is not considered to be Earthen, but to have fallen from outer space, most probably as ejected material from a passing comet. Some scientists, however, speculate the remnants are from Earth's time as a fueling station / rest stop for inter-galactic truckers during the Texaconiferous Period, due to its ability to manipulate properties of space-time when super-heated. Eastcoastamite is believed to have played a role in the extinction of the dinosaurs.


While considered relatively safe for human consumption in managed doses, eastcoastamite was favored by KGB operatives for covert assassinations of political dissidents. The IAEA now closely regulates the enjoyment of eastcoastamite, and numerous wars have been fought in sub-Saharan Africa over the precious few mines that remain.



East Coastamite album jacket
Fig 1: East Coastamite c. 2012
Party Room album jacket
Fig 2: Party Room c. 2013

Appendix A: References

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